P.S. I can't hear my feet
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
