She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
