the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
