Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
