I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
