just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
When did we convert life to cartoon?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
