Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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