I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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