I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It all started with a game of naked twister.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
