well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
