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they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
