When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize