What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
