So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
