i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
