Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
A+ Viking dick
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
