My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize