I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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