You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
