i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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