I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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