Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
