yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
