You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize