I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
