The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
