i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize