If that was your dad, he is hot
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
