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there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I did not marry a roomba.
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