drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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