He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
