the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
