And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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