i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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