she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
