none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
