I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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