and you said cock pushups were impossible
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
