Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
