So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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