I accidentally burped into my bong.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she told me i tasted like america
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
