I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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