i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my shit smells like andre
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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