Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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