Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
