I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i dont even know how to be here
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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