My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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