Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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