So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
