fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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