why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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