I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So much Jack, so little girl.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
