High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
