Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
if only i could text you this smell
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
