I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
