never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
