yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
