sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
