Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
