Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
