i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
