While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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