Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
